04 November, 2007

home is...

Do you not think it is funny how life changes dramatically in a split second? If god does exist and does create a blue print for every single encounter in the universe, i really do think he has a unique sense of humour. However, since it is highly debatable, whether he was the one who actually created the mood swing from one extreme to another, and arguably not a really interesting topic to pick at the moment, we are going to save that topic for another discussion.

I have recently been blog walking to this weblog (a lot of thanks for the picture!) and in one section read about Indonesian food and saw this scrumptious portrayal. It was a slap in my face! I should not have visited and grabbed the picture from that blog because all of sudden, after staring at the picture for quite a while, I felt a wave of homesickness inside my body (maybe it was inside my stomach to be precise, but I reckon you can't really think rationally when the image of that food is stuck in your mind!) Anyway, that was not it. While my body suddenly craved that appetising image, a funny and rather odd question sneaked inside my mind, I missed this food and for sure such food can only be found at 'home'. So, where is my home? As far as I can recall, I am not sure whether there is a place that i can really call 'home'. I tried to ask myself whereabouts is this place? Is this supposed to be Jakarta, the place where I was born, grew up and spent most of my joyful adolescent time? Who am i going to find anyway if I return to Jakarta?

For sure I miss my family especially my mother at times, but I can just pick up the phone and have a nice long chat. The longing for home would be gone after a while. So, the reason can't only be because of missing my family.

Friends? Yes, they are important in our life but then again you can argue based on the premise that the only thing that never changes is the change itself. Presumably my friends have changed as well, will I ever be able to converse with them closely and intensely like we used to?

I might and could catch things up with them but how long will it last? It doesn't mean that I'm enjoying losing contact with my best mates or simply neglecting them just like that. But at the end of the day, you realise that things are not the same as they were before. Thus, in a bizarre fashion, friendship can change as well, and it can to a lesser extent be dismissed as the cause of feeling homesick.

So the question remains, what and where is home? It is most definitely not my parents' house in Jakarta because for some reason, no matter how odd it may sound, I do not associate myself with that anymore. Neither can I correlate it with Jogjakarta, the place where I spent my bachelor degree and experienced some of the remarkable moments that changed my life for the past six years. Though some people remain special in each city, I undoubtedly no longer have any current connection with these cities and am unlikely to in the near future.

For the same reasons, I can't associate myself with any of the cities I have been to during my last three years in Germany either. They're all special in their own way but none of them feel like home.

So far, it seems like I'm just blabbering random thoughts without making any valid points. Maybe here are my final words, taken from one of my old posts:

Home...
hard to know what it is, if you never had one
Home...
I can't say where it is, but I know I'm going home...

Home is...

5 comments:

Lu said...

Home is where the hugs are xx

playingdrama said...

... where the food is.. (yummy!) =)

Auntie Fred said...

I agree with Lu all the way...
See you soon!
Love xx

elvy said...

we indonesians really love good food.
i think food and eating are two topics that almost always come up in every gathering. :)

other would have "things to see" as the top list when they visit a city/region/land, but indonesians have this "best places to eat". :D:D:D

cakep said...

hmm... totally agree with you!

I don't know where my home is anymore.
Home country? Not so familiar anymore...
Country where I live right now? Maybe? Doesn't really feel like home so much though... just a transit in between... ^^

still searching for home...

hahahha puitis amat komen gue hari ini... =p